Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
