You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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