"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
