he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
