i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
