she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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