My hair reeks of homosexuality.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
