I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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