Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
