My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize