So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
