Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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