we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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