How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i am craving dick and cupcakes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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