Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
