I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
