Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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