If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im six kinds of drunk right now
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
