p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Is it because I queefed?
my being single is dangerous.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
