my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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