Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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