Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
