A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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