plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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