he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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