I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
