why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
