Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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