You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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