Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
...so i touched it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
