My first STD was from a foam party
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
