theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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