His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
