He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
