high people should be assigned attendants
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
