When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize