I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
