Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
