Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
