did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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