This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
