So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
