Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize