ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
