If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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