ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
