I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize