She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
wow bdsm is so cute
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
