they need to just BURY HIM!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
