I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
