Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
