Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize