On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
