We got so high we made milksteak
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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