Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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