i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
