I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
