3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
