his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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