she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
