puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
