He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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