apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
