im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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