do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
