I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
