i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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