Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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