The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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