i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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