is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
