you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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