In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
