I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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