I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
