Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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