Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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