I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
