why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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