You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
