my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
