mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
