I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Boobs are out for the taking
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
