How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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