Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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