i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
