if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
