Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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