he wants to bone in the snuggie
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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