I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize