my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
God gave him joint rollers for hands
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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