take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
