I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
