I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
ttyl tear gas
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
