I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
