In America we eat man semen.
this just has baby written all over it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
