I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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