We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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