i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
