ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
