meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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