Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
