he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
