Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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