I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
