he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize