i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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