and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
