Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
