The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
