just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
