Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
