i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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