So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
