just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
