Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
