TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize