Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
