One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
