So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
