Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
