i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
