my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize