Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
